Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Urgency of the Heart

Have you ever experienced an urgency that comes on like waves of labor?  It may turn out to be prodromal or even false labor; however it feels mighty acute and active.  Breath taking, heart racing, painfully acute until it feels like your heart is just going to burst?

The labor isn't to birth a baby, rather to see a child to salvation.  The child is sleeping and you pray that *tomorrow* you will do all you can to show them the way- but the heart that is squeezing inside screams, what if *tomorrow* isn't offered? 

What do you do?  I just went up and prayed with Ian while he dreamed.  The urgency coming from the center of my being prompted me to try to wake him up.  He rolled.  I moved.  I pleaded with him to wake up and talk to Mommy.  His eyes fluttered open only to shut again.  I prayed some more.  Then, I held the hands of the rest of the children and prayed for them, while they dreamed too.  The same urgency wasn't there.  Abigail proclaimed salvation as her own years ago, however deep in the back of my head I think, "What if she didn't really understand?  She was so young."  Emily, too.  "What if she just repeated the words that she heard?"

Prayers pleaded, hands held, sleepy pink cheeks kissed; I took a shower.  My heart was still racing.  I still felt the urgency to do ... to demand they seek salvation.  I know that won't work.  It just isn't the way.  While I was in my shower, I wondered if I should have prodded Ian even more to wake up.   I mean, if the house was on fire I surely could get him awake.

There are these people declaring that Jesus is coming back in May.  Don't they know they aren't promised another two breaths, let alone another two months? 

What about my Mommy?  My grandmother, my brother and sister in law?  None of us deserve to go to Heaven- to live with my sweet Jesus- certainly most of all not me.  He is indeed coming back, and there indeed will be judgment.  The urgency pounding in my chest kept telling me that it was that time.  Unlike labor pains that bring forth a baby, I can't just call and tell them, "It is time!"  because when it is indeed *time* they will be out of *time*. 

What do you do?  How do you keep the fear, the urgent prodding, and desperation at bay? 

Maybe it was just a panic attack and not a urging from the Holy Spirit?  Maybe it was an urging from the Holy Spirit and I didn't do enough?  What do you do?

1 comment:

Lisa Gish said...

I read this just after you posted it, and I so wanted to reply but somehow the browser wouldn't let me. It might not tonight, but I have thought of you off and on since I read this post. That urgency is familiar to me, and it has often pushed me to my knees to pray pray and pray for me children! God bless you as you love and pray for and lead your little ones to Jesus!!

Lisa Gish